When you are ill and can’t work, each day just is like every other day. It doesn’t matter if it’s a weekday or a weekend, because you can’t do anything different. It’s not like when a weekend comes around I can plan exciting trips, or even day trips to the beach or amusement parks, or go see a Broadway show or even a movie. I have to follow my limited activity routine every single day. The only difference for me on a Saturday or Sunday is I know I don’t have to go to a doctor’s appointment.
Every morning when I wake up, I really don’t care what day of the week it is, I’m not rushing to a business meeting or taking a child to school or to a sporting event. I am thinking will I have energy to survive today and do the few things I have on my list that need to get done.
My life revolves around doctor visits and rest days and in between I try and occasionally see a friend for lunch. There are not many activities you can do when you can’t walk more than 300 steps at a time and then need to rest for an hour afterwards.
Friends are going to beaches, renting summer houses, taking extended vacations abroad and are sadly counting the days when summer will end because summer is funtime. But again, season to season, I still am stuck looking out my window watching the world pass me by.
I try and stay positive and tell myself I always hated going to the beach and sitting in the sun, so who cares that I am sitting inside. And in winter I’m also thrilled when I get to stay in on days where the weather is below zero and snow is falling. But what about the other 300 days of the year when the weather in New York is perfect for walking and exploring. I loved to walk when I was healthy and could walk from one end of Manhattan to the other. That’s what I miss most, the ability to walk when and where I want without anxiety or worry.
So as the days begin to get shorter and the sun is setting earlier, I think about next summer, when I will be able to walk again and plan trips and live a more regular life. Through all this hardship and suffering I still do believe that my life will get better. I have hope that one day I will be stronger and healthier and that I too will have a life on the other side of my window.
Life Beyond My Window 