As a continuation from my “Helpless but not Hopeless” post, yesterday I realized that I need to be able to ask for HELP more than I do and that I do have people around who can help me.
I met a good friend (Ms. A) for lunch yesterday. We have known each other about 15 years, have talked through marriage problems, divorce issues, dating, adoption, death and have been able to help each other through these things. But when most of these life events happened, I was healthy and able to assist Ms. A in just as many ways as she was able to assist me. When I was in the capacity to help her, it was easier for me to ask for help because I felt that I could reciprocate the gesture when Ms. A needed it. This extends to all my friends, as I’m realizing.
It was never easy for me to ask for help, as I was always a self confident, self motivated woman with a good head on her shoulders and could basically get myself out of any situation with little assistance. Nowadays, that is not the case. I need help, more than I’d like to admit and do have problems asking for it.
I was telling Ms. A about how last week I felt anxious and helpless when my car didn’t start and that I am extremely vulnerable in situations that I don’t have control over. She was extremely reassuring and told me that my behavior was normal for someone living with a chronic condition as I am. Healthy people get anxious and that I shouldn’t be upset with myself for feeling like that. Ms. A also reassured me that even though we don’t speak as often as we used to when we saw each other regularly (as we used to work together), that she is only a phone call away and that all I need to do is call and she will be here helping me in any way I need. I know she really meant that and didn’t just say it to make me feel better.
We talked for 2 hours about normal things that girlfriends would chat about and it also reminded me that I need to reach out to my other girlfriends more because even though I wasn’t feeling that good physically yesterday, when I said goodbye to Ms. A, mentally I felt better.
I guess deep down, I wish people would offer their help and assistance instead of me having to ask for it. I know I would, as I always have, but as I’m seeing most people aren’t like that. Truthfully, everyone has busy lives. Most of my friends are high powered career women who work long hours in stressful jobs that often take them out of town on business trips. They have 3 or 4 children in various life stages and they aren’t sitting and thinking about ways to help me. But that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t help me if I asked them.