I’ve been on a self imposed vacation brought on by Mother Nature’s ways and have been inside for the past 7 days. I wasn’t at home and was staying with a relative and decided to check out from my everyday routine and pretend I was away for the week.
I gave myself a mental holiday, even though physically I wasn’t able to do much. I must admit it was great to be out of my home for a week and to change my routine ever so slightly. I had company 24/7, had someone to eat meals with and someone to hear whatever thought popped into my head when it did. I had forgotten how nice it was to live with someone and have someone in the home with you.
I have lived by myself since 2006 when I got divorced. I kind of felt like I was living alone for some of my marriage too, so really I have lived alone for a long time. I had told myself that it was best that I did live alone because who would put up with my crazy and stringent rules for myself. Resting after cleaning, resting after showering, resting, resting throughout the day. There are so many times during the day I just need absolute quiet and can’t think of interacting with anyone. I couldn’t imagine being around someone for so much time.
This week showed me that if I had the “right” someone perhaps I would be able to live with someone again. It’s different when you are already in a committed relationship and become ill. Your life partner should be there “in sickness and in health” and while a chronic illness does put a huge strain on the relationship, a truly compassionate and understanding partner will stick by you.
It’s a whole other story, when you meet someone when you are already ill. They really don’t owe you the love and support you get from a partner in an established relationship. I think it takes a very, very special person to fall in love and move forward in a relationship with someone who has a chronic, life long, debilitating illness.
I’m not saying these people don’t exist, but considering the dating scene for a healthy active individual and how hard it is to find someone late in life that you are compatible with, it’s nothing short of a miracle to find someone when you are dealing with an illness.