This is where I was yesterday afternoon…Oak Beach, NY. While this water is definitely not the prettiest or the bluest, to me it was a lifesaver. I sent out an SOS yesterday to a friend and needed to get out of my apartment and change my scenery.
Since a week ago, I have been down and just out of sorts. It all started when I met a friend of mine for lunch at the coffee shop on the corner. The routine usually is my friend will pick me up in front of my apt, drop me at the front of the restaurant and then go find a parking spot. The same routine is usually done in reverse on the way home, but this time I wanted to try something new. I wanted to see if I’ve made any progress with my physical stamina and when it was time to go home, after a very nice lunch, I said I’m going to walk home.
Now to anyone else but me, this would seem like a normal sentence, but to me this was monumental. The restaurant is on my corner, my building is in the middle of the block, piece of cake you say! NOT.
I walked very, very slowly, even cut some steps out by walking in the middle of the street, but by the time I got to my apartment, my body was shaking, my legs felt like jelly and they couldn’t support my body weight. To bed I went and in bed I stayed for the rest of the day.
Now was this worth, definitely not in hindsight, but I was hoping for a much different body response and the one I got really put me in a downward spiral. How could I not have progressed any since last spring? Will it be 10 more years before I am physically able to walk to my corner? What goes on in my body that causes this and why can’t any medical doctor figure this out?
So since this incident, I just have been completely out of sorts and just uninspired to try to do anything because I was afraid of getting the same response. But the weather has been so beautiful these last few days and yesterday I just couldn’t take it any more and needed to be by water. So I was lucky that my friend was available and was able to spend the afternoon with me, surrounded by nature and peace and quiet.
It did me a world of good and I came back home in a much better mental state. Although I am tired today, because I was out for many more hours than I usually venture out, the physical tiredness is worth it today because I feel good mentally and I know my spirit and determination are back.
Today, I wish I was able to do more than gaze out my window and view the life outside, but I am content again and at peace with myself and that’s all that matters to me this afternoon.