Writing 101: Serially Lost

losttime

Losing someone special or something that you care a great deal about is very painful, yet it’s something that everyone has to deal with and process in their own way and in their own time.  I lost 2 very special people, within a few months of each other and I’ve been thinking all day about which one I should write about and how to approach this post.  But as I sat down to write, I realized the greatest loss I have had in my life is losing the last 5 years to an illness.

When you lose a person, there’s a grieving process and the pain and sadness ease up after a period of time, but what happens when you lose your life to an illness and I don’t mean death, I mean having to figure out a way to live a purposeful and happy life, while you lost your previous life.  Grief associated with an ongoing illness isn’t as finite as losing a loved one.  The event happens and doesn’t go away.  How can time heal all wounds when your life is a daily permanent reminder of that loss and it is never ending.

Five years ago, I was in a great place, living a great life, not perfect but great.  I had entered a new relationship which was very special to me, I had a terrific job, where I was fairly compensated and I had freedom and unlimited choices.  I was happy and optimistic about my future.

It was a very cold February night as I went to sleep, thinking about the fun I was going to have at tomorrow’s Super Bowl Party and hoping that the numbers I picked in the office pool were going to net me the big win of the night.   I fell asleep quickly that Saturday night and when I awoke on Sunday morning, nothing was the same.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t get my legs to support my weight and I just lie there wondering what was going on.  After a while, my legs stopped shaking and I was able to make my way to the kitchen and brew a pot of coffee, thinking that would help me get on with my day.

Unfortunately, 2 cups of coffee later, I was in no better shape and had to go back to bed, where I spent the better part of the following week.  Everyone kept telling me I must have picked up a nasty virus and that I’d be back to normal in no time, but I knew something was very wrong and that a week in bed was not going to cure this ailment.

When you have a chronic condition, you are forever walking down a imaginary line that separates the past from the future. I think back to what I used to be able to do and think about the things I’ve had to give up and the time that I lost.  When I look forward, I can’t really picture what my future will bring, as I’m entering unchartered territory.

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Writing 101: Serially Lost

  1. garbnthings says:

    I really enjoyed this. If you do plan on doing this as a 3 part series, I look forward to reading the rest. I completely agree with you by the way; not by my own experience but the experience of a very close friend.

  2. Devastating! I am sorry to hear about this illness. I hope and pray for your recovery, if not possible, at least, some form of it. Your post immediately got my attention and invested me emotionally. I look forward to reading more.

  3. joyroses13 says:

    This is written so well…so sorry about your illness! I pray that you can find hope for the future! That there may be surprises in store for you!

  4. Catmint32 says:

    Great! I have celiac disease (not as aggravating as what you’re going through, I’m sure), so I “mourned” the loss of eating wheat. Of course, it was balanced by feeling so much better by NOT eating wheat! I can’t wait to read what’s up next in this series.

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