The 3 “A”s

attentionaffectionappreciation

This morning while eating my breakfast I was listening to one of the morning news shows and Deepak Chopra came on and I started listening more intently.  Before I started on my spiritual journey and began doing daily affirmations and being more aware of the good things I still have in my life, I wouldn’t have glanced up at this man as I didn’t really believe that you could change your world by changing your thoughts.  This morning however, I was very interested in hearing what he had to say.

The anchors asked him about his thoughts on Valentine’s day and he basically said you should show people Attention, Affection and Appreciation every day of the year and not just on one day of the year.   These three things apply not only to a partner but also to family members and friends.

Attention

Attention means deep listening, being totally present. It means we’re not in a hurry to give advice, interrupt or react.

Appreciation

Appreciation means that we notice the other person’s strengths and let them know we notice them and are grateful for them.

Affection

Affection is deep caring and knowing that we are there for the other person.

So this year, let’s skip the Valentine’s day celebration and begin showing love, attention, appreciation and affection to those that mean the most to us every single day of the year (and that also include’s ourselves). 

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Out with the Old, In with the New

oldandnew

 

Welcome 2014!!   We’re all planning how the next year will be better and how we will try and improve upon ourselves, but what lessons have we learned from the past year.

I heard this quote for the first time about 10 years ago, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” and  never has there been a truer saying, yet we continually do the same thing over and over again (at least I do) and hope that the outcome will be different.  Does that mean I’m insane (lol), I hope not.

For example:

  • I continually go back to the same doctors, even after they tell me there’s nothing more they can do for me and that I just need to deal and adjust
  • I continue friendships with people that I know are selfish and sometimes hurtful in their actions towards me
  • I keep taking the same medicines and supplements, even though I feel no real improvement with my symptoms

So what can I change in this new year to try and make a real difference in my life?

  • I can and will seek out new doctors, who are encouraging and offer new treatment options
  • I can and will stop listening to all the doctors that just prescribe endless medicines without any real promise of help and that have possible negative long term side effects
  • I can and will make more educated decisions regarding my health and well being, as the doctors know less about my day to day struggles than I do
  • I can and will spend less time with those people in my life that just suck the energy and life out of me
  • I can and will spend more time with those people that energize me and lift my spirits
  • I can and will spend more time doing the things that I really enjoy doing and save my limited energy for these activities
  • I can and will seek out new creative activities that fill my heart with happiness

So as my journey in 2014 begins, I hope that this year will bring a return to wellness and that on January 1, 2015 I can look back on today and realize that it was the day I began to break old patterns and take more control of my life.

 

 

With a Little Help from my Friends

girlfriends

As a continuation from my “Helpless but not Hopeless” post, yesterday I realized that I need to be able to ask for HELP more than I do and that I do have people around who can help me.

I met a good friend (Ms. A) for lunch yesterday. We have known each other about 15 years, have talked through marriage problems, divorce issues, dating, adoption, death and have been able to help each other through these things. But when most of these life events happened, I was healthy and able to assist Ms. A in just as many ways as she was able to assist me. When I was in the capacity to help her, it was easier for me to ask for help because I felt that I could reciprocate the gesture when Ms. A needed it. This extends to all my friends, as I’m realizing.

It was never easy for me to ask for help, as I was always a self confident, self motivated woman with a good head on her shoulders and could basically get myself out of any situation with little assistance. Nowadays, that is not the case. I need help, more than I’d like to admit and do have problems asking for it.

I was telling Ms. A about how last week I felt anxious and helpless when my car didn’t start and that I am extremely vulnerable in situations that I don’t have control over. She was extremely reassuring and told me that my behavior was normal for someone living with a chronic condition as I am. Healthy people get anxious and that I shouldn’t be upset with myself for feeling like that. Ms. A also reassured me that even though we don’t speak as often as we used to when we saw each other regularly (as we used to work together), that she is only a phone call away and that all I need to do is call and she will be here helping me in any way I need. I know she really meant that and didn’t just say it to make me feel better.

We talked for 2 hours about normal things that girlfriends would chat about and it also reminded me that I need to reach out to my other girlfriends more because even though I wasn’t feeling that good physically yesterday, when I said goodbye to Ms. A, mentally I felt better.

I guess deep down, I wish people would offer their help and assistance instead of me having to ask for it. I know I would, as I always have, but as I’m seeing most people aren’t like that. Truthfully, everyone has busy lives. Most of my friends are high powered career women who work long hours in stressful jobs that often take them out of town on business trips. They have 3 or 4 children in various life stages and they aren’t sitting and thinking about ways to help me. But that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t help me if I asked them.