Happy Birthday

hbballoons

This week is my birthday  and I have a couple of little celebrations planned with a few of my friends and hopefully my body will cooperate and behave so that I am able to enjoy this week.  When I think back over the past year and think of  what has transpired, it occurs to me that basically nothing has changed, for the good or for the bad.

In one sense that’s a relief, but in another it’s a disappointment.  I can’t stand feeling like I’m not moving forward.  I need to learn and I need to experience new things this year and I’ve made a promise to myself that I will not let fear motivate me to make safe or bad choices.  I need to think about making choices that excite me and that will bring me joy and not avoid situations out of fear.

Recently Jim Carrey made a commencement speech at a University and when I listened to it my whole impression of Jim Carrey changed dramatically.  This man is profound and deep and is guided by love.  His speech has replayed in my mind many times since I’ve heard it and he is right on when he says that many people’s decisions are based on fear disguised as practicality.  He also says that you can fail at what you don’t love, just as easily as you can fail at doing something you love, so choose Love.

He’s right.  While my choices are limited these days, I still do have many choices.  I want to surround myself with positive people who encourage me to continue fighting to get well and who don’t see a sick person when they speak with me and constantly point out my limitations.  I want to surround myself with people who see possibilities in life, not live in the past constantly regretting decisions made 10 years ago.  I want to surround myself with people who are kind and loving and not people that continually hurt you and place the blame on their unhappy childhood.

So when I blow out the candles on my birthday cake and make a wish, of course my first wish will be improved health for myself and continued health for my loved ones, but my next wish will be that all my decisions this year will be coming from a place of love and not a place of fear.

 

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