Love (in) your Life

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Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and all the world is thinking about Romantic Love, well almost all the world.  While I am a loving person and have felt loved by family, friends and that special someone, this year Romantic Love is the farthest thing from my mind.  I wish I didn’t feel this way and I wish I physically felt well enough and strong enough to be in a relationship, but I don’t and I’m not going to let Valentine’s Day depress me or make me feel bad about myself.

There are so many society rules that make people feel bad and it’s a shame because celebrating should make us feel better about ourselves.  Yesterday I read a post from Celeste of Baking, Butter and Happiness and it really struck a cord with me about how we should love ourselves no matter what every one else thinks.  I have struggled with my weight most of my life, until about 10 years ago.  Obesity runs in my family and most of my female cousins struggle with it.  I am not talking about the extra 10 or 20 lbs, I’m talking about at least an extra 50 lbs.  I didn’t want my life to spiral out of control and finally made up my mind to loose weight.

I did succeed and felt better about myself, but I wish I could have felt just as good about myself before I lost the weight.  Nowadays, since I am unable to move much, I am afraid some of the weight is creeping back on and I hope I do not get down on myself for that.  Attitude is what makes us feel good about ourselves and we struggle every day with trying to feel good because of this illness, that the last thing we need to beat ourselves up about is putting on 5 or 10 lbs.

So tomorrow, I will not be thinking about that special someone, I will be thinking about me.  I am special and need to remember to treat myself well and to love myself.  If Romantic Love is in the cards sometime in the future and I am strong enough and receptive to it, I will welcome it into my life.  But I am comfortable with myself and know that I can go on without that special someone and knowing that is special too.

The Happiness of your Life


I have been listening and watching  self help, gratitude and positive affirmation videos and I really must admit what a positive and refreshing experience it is to hear uplifting thoughts about yourself and the universe.

The real trick is to keep replaying these thoughts in your head and start to belief them.  It’s hard when real life interferes with your perception of how you should be living, but based on what I’m learning if we change the texture of our thoughts, our life will change.

It is hard to change thought patterns when you are in your mid 50s (can’t believe I am in my 50s, but I am).  You have grown up believing certain things and have been doing things in a certain way for so long, that it is hard to change.  But if change means improving your life and being happier with your life, than that is worth trying.

I am going to follow these beliefs and see where my life takes me:

  • All is well in my world and I trust the Universe to take me where I need to go
  • What is right for me will come to me at the appropriate time
  • I am loving and I am loved
  • I am willing to grow and change and I am always open and receptive to new ideas
  • I know I can become more than what I am now, not Better but MORE

Life is as it is.  It’s all about our perception of our current situation and our level of gratitude.  I am grateful for so much in my life and will not dwell on what I can not change.

Stranded Again


Funny, wish that person was me and I was able to walk around and shovel.  Never thought I’d say that, but unfortunately I am once again stuck inside waiting out a terrible snow storm that is hitting our area.  These feelings of helplessness come across in waves and I always tell myself, next time I will think differently and I am trying to not obsess about all the things I can’t do.

I live on the East Coast in the United States and we are having a winter with record low temperatures and lots of snow.  I live by myself and my mom, who is recently widowed, lives about 2 blocks from me.  When I became ill, I was living in NYC and loved living there, but when you are ill and on disability, NYC is a very lonely and extremely expensive place to live.  People can’t visit because there is no where to park during the day, the traffic scares people away and being without a car, I either had to walk or take public transportation, which isn’t suitable for my current lifestyle.

So I decided to move to an outer borough and be close to my family.  For the first time in my life (as I had lived in NYC since 1993) I am dealing with shoveling snow, clearing off cars and maneuvering on snowy unplowed streets.  Once again, in anticipation of a big storm, with upwards of 14 inches of snow, I am staying with my mom.  This allows me to make sure she is alright during the storm, we have company for the duration and our car can be safely parked in a covered garage, which eliminates the need for me to shovel or clear the car.

So while many of the essentials have been taken care of, I still have thoughts of helplessness.  The “what if scenarios aren’t always that beneficial when you have an overactive mind.  I have been listening to Louis Hay’s audio about how to love yourself  and one of the things she states is that We Need to LOVE OURSELVES enough to stop SCARING OURSELVES.  She also emphasizes how we need to stop terrorizing ourselves with bad thoughts.

When I listen to her audio, it all sounds so easy.  Just stop your thoughts and wham your life will be different. Be kind to your mind.  Everything she says is so true and really easy to comprehend but not all that easy to implement.

It appears that I will be stuck in for a while and hopefully I will emerge a stronger person and listen to the words of Ms. Hay,s as she has a loyal following and really does speak simple but powerful truths.