Women Power & Purpose



We have just passed the sad anniversary of when I went out on Disability.  I have been thinking about the 4 years since that happened and what has occurred in my life.  And what has stood out to me, has been the stand out and stand up Women I have met in this time.  I have met 4 women, through the course of my new journey that are Powerful, Grateful, Kind and Loving all in different ways, but all in ways that reach out to you.

3 of these women, I am proud to call my friend.  The 4th is a recent addition to my world, but she is unlike anybody I have ever met, as she is a Nun, who is also a Licensed Massage Therapist.  I went for a massage yesterday and also received a blessing as she prays at the beginning and end of the session.  I am not religious and not even Catholic, but yesterday I felt the presence of God during the session.  I so wish this woman was my grandmother, as she has spunk beyond her years and a twinkle in her eye.

All these women have their own life stories to tell, filled with their own trials and tribulations, yet all show up every single day with a welcoming smile on their face and are just grateful to be here another day.  Another one of these woman is a Reiki Healer and being with her is like transcending time.  When you are with her, an inexplicable peace just fills your body and you feel calm and relaxed.  There is an energy emitted by this woman and it too envelopes you beyond which any words can describe.

The last 2 women, are either struggling with their own illness, or the illness of a close loved one, yet they are grateful and appreciative for everything good thing in their life and try not to dwell or drown with the bad part.

I am so eternally grateful that my illness has brought these 4 Amazing Women to me.  They are role models and mentors in many ways and I hope they all know how much their friendship means to me.  I think about how they struggle, yet always sound cheery when we speak and never complain about these troubles, just talk about them as part of their life.

When you are struggling with a chronic illness or dealing with a chronic illness the illness creates your “new normal”, in such that now it is part of your new life and going back to your old life is not even possible.  Right now all I can do is accept my “new normal” and be thankful that I have these “new friends” to share them with.


New Year, New Ways to Improve Health


Yesterday I went to one of my many doctors for my routine quarterly visit and also to review my recent blood work.  All these doctor visits basically turn out the same way.  I wait for the doctor for about an hour, I actually am with the doctor for under 15 minutes, the doctor barely touches me or gives me a physical examination, they ask me how I’m feeling and I say about the same, they offer no new treatment options, I pay my copay and leave the office feeling frustrated.

Before I became ill I would rarely visit the doctor unless I needed an antibiotic or a flu shot.  I believed the doctors were there to help people and make them well.  Hey, they always seemed to return me to wellness and I had known several people who had major operations and after recuperating, all returned to a state of good health.

Now that’s not my belief anymore.  I have gone to hematologists, endocrinologists, rheumatologists,  physiatrists (pain doctors), generalists, immunologists, allergists, neurologists and cardiologists and haven’t been helped by any of them.

So I ask you, what’s a girl to do??  Take maters into her own hands.    Today I started a new Ayurvedic health routine called “oil pulling” or “oil swishing”.

A few days back, a friend of mine sent me an article about how to improve our general immune health, which I believe is key to fighting this illness as I think it is viral.  So yesterday after feeling dejected when leaving the doctor’s office, I stopped at a health food store and picked up some Organic Sesame Oil.

Here are the steps involved:

Step 1: First thing in the morning on an empty stomach and before drinking any liquids (including water), pour exactly one tablespoon of sunflower, coconut or sesame oil into your mouth.

Step 2:  Swish the oil around in your mouth without swallowing it. Move it around and through your teeth, as if it was mouthwash  Keep swishing gently, not vigorously, in a relaxed way for about 20 minutes.  When the oil has become saturated with the toxins it has pulled out, it may become whitish and a thinner, milky consistency, depending on the type of oil used.

Step 3:  As the end of the oil pulling session approaches, spit the oil out, then rinse the mouth with warm salt water and then brush your teeth.

I tried it this morning and didn’t make the 20 minutes, but will continually keep at it.  Today, at least I felt good that I was trying something new and being proactive.  The only things that have helped me, even temporarily, have been accupuncture and reiki, so I’m beginning to really believe that mainstream medicine is not THE HOLY GRAIL.


Reiki and More

white light

Something very unusual  happened to me about a week ago and it has unsettled me but not in a bad way.  I have been very introspective this week and have been trying to remember all the details of my reiki session because this was no average, run of the mill, afternoon.

The session started off as other sessions have, but when it ended, something unique and special had occurred.  Now I know there are going to be many people who don’t believe what happened to me, and probably a year ago, I’d be one of those people.  But I am a believer now.

Two years ago, my dad passed away and this  week was the anniversary of his passing.  We visited him at the cemetery and paid our respects to a very loving and gentle soul.  My dad has been on my mind a lot these past days and so, my thoughts shifted to him during the session.  I was repeating to myself all the things I missed about him and all the things that were great about him and then I asked him to make himself known and assure me that he was alright and that he knew I was taking care of my mom.  I specifically said, “I know Ms. N is not a medium, but she does have additional Intuit powers, so please use her to let me know you are watching over me.”  I said this over and over again.

I also was having problems catching my breath during the treatment and was getting a little concerned and was even thinking of stopping the session, but I didn’t.  The relaxing music was playing softly in the background and then a weird word or sound was coming out of the speaker and then a lot of static and the speaker blew.  I also had a very cold sensation run through my body, which lasted for quite a while, well beyond the end of the session.

My eyes were closed during this whole time, and Ms. N walked over to the speaker and disconnected it and came back and continued the treatment.  I was jarred slightly, but then tried to get back into my trance and repeated the thoughts of my dad.

When the treatment was finished, Ms. N let me lay quiet for a few minutes and then I sat up and looked at her and said, “What happened her today.”  She looked at me and said “BIZARRE”.  This treatment was very unusual.

I hadn’t put the events together that had transpired during the 90 minute session, but when Ms. N started speaking with me, it all became clear.  Ms. N told me she’s not a medium, but does have some additional abilities and that she saw a white light surround me and swirl into gray.  She said that has happened to her only a handful of times since she’s been a Reiki Healer and the white into gray symbolizes to her that someone from the other side is making contact.  Ms. N still had no idea what I had been asking for during the treatment.

She continued her story and then told me she asked that the spirit make himself known and at that precise moment, the strange word and static occurred.  The strange word turned out to be “Abba”, which means “Father”.  Ms. N told me my father made himself present in the room today and wanted to let me know he was doing fine and that these were just confirmations of my father finding a way to reveal himself in spirit to me and to bring me comfort and peace.

At this point I told Ms. N what I had been asking for and we both got goosebumps and I began to cry.   Ms. N said  “What a good man he is to allow you to know  all is well”.

Each person comes to a Reiki session with an intention in mind. For  some it is just to relax, for some it’s to heal and for others it’s a clarity of emotions.  My last treatment was definitely for an emotional release.  If something so powerful like this could happen with just my thoughts asking for it, then really anything is possible.  Next time, I will solely be concentrating on healing and wellness.  That should be a breeze compared to contacting a spirit from the other side.

The quote “Change the texture of your thoughts and your life will change” definitely takes on a stronger meaning for me now.  I wish you all GOOD THOUGHTS!!


2013-11-10 14.31.22

This past weekend, I had another Reiki session and it once again was an extremely peaceful and reflective experience.  I wish I could bottle the feeling I have during the session.  I have tried to recreate it through meditation and bringing my memory back to the room and the space where the Reiki session occurred.  I have a candle with the same scent that is lit during my treatment and I use it at home when I am trying to mediate.  It has worked once or twice, but unfortunately not every time.

This past session ended a little differently than my previous one.  The healer (Ms. N) asked me to pick a card from a mediatation card deck and the card I picked is the one pictured above.  I picked the INTENTION card.

I have been reading articles and books about spiritual journeys, listening to Gratitude tapes and also doing meditation and all of these things mention Intentio.

My Intentions create my experiences.  What do you intend to happen?  It is very important to make sure that my thoughts and feelings reflect my true Intentions.

According to Ms. N, by choosing the Intention Card, I am being asked to take an inventory of my expectations of what I expect to happen today, tomorrow and in the future.  My expectations are the seeds of my intentions and my intentions become my goals for the future.

Recently I had read that Intention is the starting point of every spiritual path. It is the force that fulfills all of our needs, whether for money, relationships, spiritual awakening, or love. Intention generates all the activities in the universe, the ones we can see and even the ones we can’t see.  My destiny is shaped by my deepest level of intention and desire. Once my intentions are planted, my journey unfolds.

I find it interesting that since I am really just beginning my spiritual journey, I picked this card.

Right before my Reiki session, I had listened to the daily audio from the 21 Days of Gratitude Program.  I kept repeating during the Reiki treatment, “Trust the Universe, it will Protect you” and also I just kept repeating the things in my life I am grateful for.  Without even mentioning this to Ms. N, she asked me about my thoughts during the treatment and said she felt a deeper connection with my thoughts than in previous sessions.  She was drawn to my head during this session, where as in previous ones, she concentrated on my legs and mid section.

What does all of this mean?  I don’t know.  This is all new for me.

During my past few mediation sessions, I have been repeating the following words “San Kalpa”, which mean My intentions have infinite power.

I have been imagining that the universe is a deep ocean  and that my intentions emerge from my heart, which is an extremely important place for intentions to emerge from.  These intentions ripple into the ocean, where they are fulfilled with ease.  Then I silently repeat to myself, “San Kalpa.”

For every intention in our lives, whether it be for healing physical pain, emotional heartache, ending a troubled relationship, beginning a new relationship or wishing for a new opportunity, we must picture the outcome we desire and the repeat the words “San Kalpa”.



Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that is suppossed to promote healing. It is based on the idea that an unseen “life force energy” flows through our body and this life force is what causes us to be alive. If one’s “life force energy” is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.

I have tried accupuncture in the past but had never been lucky enough to have a Reiki session until this past weekend. It was an amazing experience and I can’t wait until I am able to have another treatment. I have heard alot about Reiki and also about how important it is to find the right Reiki practitioner, as the success of your treatment is very dependent upon their skills. The woman (Ms. N) that I found, through a friend, was an amazing soul and I felt very special in her presence.

There are some people that exude positivity and then there are the ones that have a negative force around them, Ms. N was the former. She looked like your everyday regular woman, but I think she had something unique about her. When speaking with her on the phone, I explained my situation and was concerned about being able to pay her the full fee. Ms. N replied that she had a calling and that she is a Reiki healer and is doing this to help people. I could pay her whatever I felt I could spare, or I could give her a little gift, or I could give her nothing at all. She also offered to come to my apartment so that I didn’t have to use up my energy in trying to get to her.

I really didn’t know what to expect from the treatment, but from the moment it started I was overcome by a peaceful happy feeling, one that I hadn’t experienced in a very, very long time. I noticed she was drawn to my legs and that is where I felt the most heat radiating from her hands. Coincidently, my legs are my weak spot as they don’t support me for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. Ms. N didn’t know this.

After the session was over, but before I moved from the table, I told Ms. N I was very stiff and that the Fibro makes it difficult for me to stay in one place for a long time. She replied that she is stiff too from giving the treatment and that she also felt weak in the legs and had to sit down. This was the first time Ms. N had experienced this sensation after giving a treatment and she felt it was partially a result of getting my energy. She assured me it wouldn’t last and that she’d be back to normal in a short while.

I asked her where she was drawn to on my body and she said my legs. She also told me she saw a very, very vivid image surrounding me the entire session. The object she saw had no meaning to me, so she said it must be symbolic of something. We both did some research and what she saw provided me with alot of hope.

The symbol she saw, in ancient cultures was a symbol of vitality, wholeness and health. An image that was a protector of evil and that turned a bad situation into a good one. She also saw me walking through a field with hundreds of leaves that had fallen from the trees. To her, this meant that I would be walking again. Ms N. also told me that no matter what was going on with my physical self, I had no bitterness and no ill will which in itself is such a gift and so important for healing.

I know everyone of us wants to hear good things about how we will return to health and Ms. N is the only person that has ever said that to me. All the countless doctors I have appointments with and pay high copays to see, never give me an ounce of hope that I will feel better. They give me prescriptions to take to manage my pain and my symptoms and tell me to deal with the situation. It’s no wonder I felt like this session was a special one, because it brought me hope and made me think about the future when I would be restored and be able to walk through that field on a breezy fall day and just enjoy being in that moment.